Sleep like the Dead

Here is a timeline of my last 24hrs (also imagine that beeping sound in the background from the TV series 24):
3pm – left work early and headed home
3:45pm – arrive in my hood and stop at the local ghetto McDonalds for a bag of shame (delicious crispy shame)
4:00pm – arrive home and eat my lunch
4:15pm – head to bed because I had been going on about 3-4hrs of sleep a night for the last 9 straight days. I was putting in 16hr work days (including Saturday and Sunday) so my life consisted of sleeping and working. I fall instantly asleep
9:00pm – wake up due to hunger, so I eat a bowl of cereal (I also have zero fresh food in my house due to having no free time)
9:30pm – back to bed, instantly fall asleep (again)
6:00am – awake and get ready for work
8:00am – arrive at work. Note I didn’t see anything unusual on my way to work.
8:05am – co-worker rushes over to make sure I am alive.

Now here is that story…from the Chicago Tribune:
Cops: 2 people shot on North Side
July 28, 2010 7:42 PM |
Two men were shot this evening in the Uptown neighborhood on the North Side, police said.
Police were alerted about the shooting on the XXXX block of North Magnolia Ave. at about 4:36 p.m., said Chicago Police News Affairs Sgt. Antoinette Ursitti.
A 20-year-old man was shot in the chest and a 27-year-old man was shot in the leg, said Ursitti. The two men were involved in an argument with other men who fired from a vehicle, police said.
The shooting happened about a block from Harry S. Truman College, XXXX W. Wilson Ave.
Chicago Fire Department paramedics took both men in serious condition to Advocate Illinois Masonic Hospital, said Kevin MacGregor, a fire department spokesman. Initially officials said that only one person had been hospitalized.
…and from the Uptown Update local listing:
The shooter fled by car. There are at least two cooperating witnesses, i.e., not gang bangers, who saw the car. “I saw the shooter, briefly, and the gun, but not the car.”

Now I edited out the address because it is MY address. Seriously! The place in the news picture is my condo! The shooting happened right outside my window (I am on the first floor). There were helicopters, police sirens, and ambulances crawling over the area. Since I left work early, I WAS HOME when the shooting occurred. Was I frightened…was I panicked…did I call up my real estate agent and bitch her out…nope. I slept through the ENTIRE thing. Not kidding. I didn’t even know all of this went down until my co-worker showed me the news article this morning. I guess I was really really really tired. Oh and I love that they had to clarify that a cooperating witnesses are “not gang bangers”.

The Angry Cupcake

Now you may have seen my random status update and profile picture up on Facebook. Here is the story behind it. I have written about the girl’s wedding, but I failed to mention her bachelorette party. The highlight of the night was dinner and a drag show in boystown. I don’t know quite where she/he/the performer tucked it, but the costumes were all completely backless (like bare ass backless) or thongs. I felt like such a perve always trying to get a better look to see where IT was hidden.
While at dinner, we noticed a girl in the most ridiculous outfit ever. It was obvious she was on a bachelorette party (or in fact the bride-to-be) but the dress was just too over-the-top…for a bachelorette party…being held in boystown…at a drag club. Yes, it was THAT bad. It was slightly longer than a tube top and was an inch away from exposing either her upper or lower lady bits. Did I mention it was bubble gum pink taffeta! Yep, pretty in pink…or not. We dubbed her “cupcake” because frankly it fit.
While examining Cupcake, it suddenly dawned on us what was going on around us. Apparently her bachelorette party didn’t make a reservation and were accidently mistaken for another party and subsequently seated. Then when the real party showed up, cupcake’s group was asked to get up and wait for a table because it wasn’t theirs to begin with. Okay her ENTIRE group was composed of cast offs from either The Real Housewives of New Jersey or The Jersey Shore. Seriously…EXACTLY like them! They got all in the management’s “grill” and alternated between cussing the staff out or doing that roll-the-eye while waggle the finger move. Now the staff is all a bunch of boy poofs…you know, small gay men who are likely bottoms, dressed head-to-toe in white because it is what you do in Miami…while sucking dick, I mean they work at a drag show for Christ’s sake. Therefore, in a fight, the Jerseylicious girls likely would implant a lee press on nail to their center mass.
The manager finally asked Cupcake and her hos to leave. Oh no, they weren’t leaving without a fight. One couger full on closed fisted punched the maître de in the face! The guy then threw up his hands and herded them out the front door. Note he didn’t punch (or more fittingly slap) the women, just kind of opened the door and pushed them through it. We turned to the manager and said we witnessed the whole ordeal and would testify for them if needed. He sighed and said that being in boystown, they sometimes get slapped, but it is rare when it is a punch…from a girl (a real one at least).
Well the fight continued outside where the Cupcake crew paced in front of the restaurant yelling obsencities and daring the staff to “take it to the street”. I could not resist capturing it on camera (like photographing lions in the wild, and just as dangerous). I rushed outside and pretended to be a stupid tourist taking pictures of: the sign, the girls, the street, the girls, the building next door, the girls, the girls, the girls. Ah ha ha. I got a good action shot of Cupcake full blown rage yell at the small effeminate man. I mean possessed eyes mad! From that point on, she was dubbed the “angry cupcake”.