Tuesday, July 27, 2010

The Angry Cupcake

Now you may have seen my random status update and profile picture up on Facebook. Here is the story behind it. I have written about the girl’s wedding, but I failed to mention her bachelorette party. The highlight of the night was dinner and a drag show in boystown. I don’t know quite where she/he/the performer tucked it, but the costumes were all completely backless (like bare ass backless) or thongs. I felt like such a perve always trying to get a better look to see where IT was hidden.
While at dinner, we noticed a girl in the most ridiculous outfit ever. It was obvious she was on a bachelorette party (or in fact the bride-to-be) but the dress was just too over-the-top…for a bachelorette party…being held in boystown…at a drag club. Yes, it was THAT bad. It was slightly longer than a tube top and was an inch away from exposing either her upper or lower lady bits. Did I mention it was bubble gum pink taffeta! Yep, pretty in pink…or not. We dubbed her “cupcake” because frankly it fit.
While examining Cupcake, it suddenly dawned on us what was going on around us. Apparently her bachelorette party didn’t make a reservation and were accidently mistaken for another party and subsequently seated. Then when the real party showed up, cupcake’s group was asked to get up and wait for a table because it wasn’t theirs to begin with. Okay her ENTIRE group was composed of cast offs from either The Real Housewives of New Jersey or The Jersey Shore. Seriously…EXACTLY like them! They got all in the management’s “grill” and alternated between cussing the staff out or doing that roll-the-eye while waggle the finger move. Now the staff is all a bunch of boy poofs…you know, small gay men who are likely bottoms, dressed head-to-toe in white because it is what you do in Miami…while sucking dick, I mean they work at a drag show for Christ’s sake. Therefore, in a fight, the Jerseylicious girls likely would implant a lee press on nail to their center mass.
The manager finally asked Cupcake and her hos to leave. Oh no, they weren’t leaving without a fight. One couger full on closed fisted punched the maître de in the face! The guy then threw up his hands and herded them out the front door. Note he didn’t punch (or more fittingly slap) the women, just kind of opened the door and pushed them through it. We turned to the manager and said we witnessed the whole ordeal and would testify for them if needed. He sighed and said that being in boystown, they sometimes get slapped, but it is rare when it is a punch…from a girl (a real one at least).
Well the fight continued outside where the Cupcake crew paced in front of the restaurant yelling obsencities and daring the staff to “take it to the street”. I could not resist capturing it on camera (like photographing lions in the wild, and just as dangerous). I rushed outside and pretended to be a stupid tourist taking pictures of: the sign, the girls, the street, the girls, the building next door, the girls, the girls, the girls. Ah ha ha. I got a good action shot of Cupcake full blown rage yell at the small effeminate man. I mean possessed eyes mad! From that point on, she was dubbed the “angry cupcake”.


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