South America Adventures – Part 3 (Sacred Valley)

Our group boarded the bus and headed off to view some Inca ruins. Dana and I signed on for an organized tour through Inca territory. The group included a tour/trail guide and porters. You could call us pampered because the porters carried our camping equipment and food, but it was still pretty rugged. We were allowed to give up to 6kg (about 13lbs) of personal baggage to the porters and carry up to 3kg ourselves. Mostly everyone had hiking experience…everyone but Dana. She borrowed hiking shoes from a friend and brought her hilariously humungous Wal-Mart sleeping bag. The thing was left over from childhood camp outs in the backyard. I was surprised there wasn’t a strawberry shortcake picture on the front. Everyone one else had micro foam things with compression sacks that would squeeze the bag down to a soda can. Dana’s was so huge, it took both of us to stuff it into the duffel bag supplied by the tour company.

We were surprised to find Americans in the minority in our group of 14. There were several Canadians, some British and Irish, and even two Swedish girls. The only other American in our group was a 22 year old boy from Puerto Rico (technically US territory). Dana and I set out to be on our best behavior since we would A) be fighting against the “annoying American tourist stereotype, and B) be stuck with these people for the next week.

Cusco was the heart of the Inca Empire. It was the religious and ruling center. The Inca belief centered around a few iconic animals including the llama, condor and puma. Cusco in fact was laid out in shape of a puma. Of course the Spanish Conquistadors destroyed the ancient city (rid them of their gods so they would accept Christianity) and the modern city is built on the ruins.

The first ruins site right outside Cusco is Sacsayhuaman. The running joke is that the name is best pronounced “sexy woman”. This site on the edge of mountains surrounding the Cusco valley, so it was sort of a military fort.

We drove off into the mountains to visit a typical village where inhabitants were keeping up traditions. The men would farm most of the year but act as our porters between seasons. The women would raise llamas and alpacas for wool and meat. The hair would be died, spun, and woven into textiles. Their scarves, gloves, and blankets were vibrant with color and super soft (alpaca…damn your good). Of course the highlight was chasing around the llamas (don’t ask me why but those things are fucking hilarious).

Part of my education was learning to tell the difference between alpacas and llamas. Yes both are extremely goofy looking…and have a bit of an asshole behavior. The llamas are taller with longer necks and longer fur. The alpacas are shorter with stubbier necks and legs, and they are “fluffier” which makes them look a bit round. Of course the group infiltrated a free range flock and tried to get pictures with them.

The tour took us through the Sacred Valley with the Urubamba River running down the center. The valley had pockets of Inca ruins along the way as it eventually leads to Machu Picchu. You can imagine various villages and trading posts for pilgrims traveling between the capital and Machu Picchu.

We hiked the ruins at Pisac high up on the mountain ridges. The Inca stones were perfectly cut and positioned in place. The stones for the temple were rectangular in nature and fit so closely together that a paper wouldn’t fit through a joint. Note these ancient people did this without the use of metal (steel/iron) or the wheel! Some stones were taken from quarries miles away and transported to temples far up the mountain side (again without the wheel). Plus they did it without slaves. Their belief was to have every man and woman pitch in for a certain amount of time. The Incas only ruled for 100yrs or so, but they sure accomplished a whole lot.

The stairs in Pisac were hewed right into the mountain with no modern safety regulations (including a guardrail preventing visitors from falling off the sheer cliff face). This will be the first of many scary encounters and serious safety violations I see on the Inca trails. I was pretty petrified at first (being afraid of heights), but eventually I had to continue on because I was in danger of losing the group.
Thankfully the group went pretty slow as climbing in the Andes took the breath out of most people.

One neat trick our guide showed us was the Inca version of telephone. You could shout on one mountain and hear the echo loud and clear. We tried to wage a shouting match with another mountain group. Fail.

We explored the Pisac market place and grabbed lunch in a locals only eatery with open fire empanadas. It was five star material with two tables composed of mismatched lawn furniture. Plus it had a Guinea Pig pen where you could select your own future entrée. Yeah, guinea pigs are a delicacy here. You have to wait four hours and pay top dollar because the little suckers are pretty tough meat. It reminded me of the lobster tank in seafood restaurants.

I have a habit of collecting shitty art from all of my travels. Each man/artist in the market claimed he was the Peruvian Picasso.

Our next stop further in the Sacred Valley was the town of Ollantaytambo. The ruins are shaped to resemble a llama. You have to squint and tilt your head to the side…but it’s there. The opposite mountain was carved to resemble one of their Gods. The face with eyes, nose and a small mount edge are pretty clear, and the is carrying the grain store rooms on his back. The Ollanta ruins of course were perfectly carved with waterfalls and animal reliefs (an abstract condor). The site wasn’t finished as they were in the process of building it when the Spanish invaded and all the workers left to go to war. There were cut Volkswagen sized stones on the way from the quarry stranded half way up the mountain slope.

The Ollanta town is the jumping off point to the Inca trail, and our last opportunity for a real bed (if you call it that) and a hot shower (well hot then cold then soapy Lindsay complaining to a laughing Dana while wet and shivering in doorway). The convenience store cashed in on the last resort concept by charging $10 for 6 candy bars (like standard kit-kat and stuff) or $2 each. The local restaurant was the Blue Puppy and my burger was Peruvian style (that means beef with peppers according to them).

On interesting thing about rural Peru was the lack of billboards. Granted you really don’t see billboards in rural America either, but the difference laid in how they got their advertising out. There was an upcoming election, so occupants would show their support for a candidate by painting the person’s name and logo (every politician had a logo) on the ENTIRE SIDE OF THEIR HOUSE! Seriously, you’d roll through a village with literally wall-to-wall political propaganda. My favorite candidate was Elvis. Yes, his name was Elvis. He lives…in South America!

Sixteen again

A short but sweet post strolling down memory lane. Last week I went to a free concert headlined by Bush. Yes, Bush…the 90’s alternative rock of glycerin, everything’s zen, and machinehead fame…also the band with the super sexy Gavin Rossdale. I remember playing the Sixteen Stone cd over and over again (probably because I only own about five cd’s). I’m sure that album convinced us white suburban kids we were such bad asses even though the sounds of Metallica and G&R were considered too scary.
Being that it was a free concert, we had to get in line around 6:30pm for a 9pm show. The line snaked around the corner and down the block. We found ways to entertain ourselves thanks to a nearby CVS, six pack, and picnic cups. Once the doors opened up, we made our way inside situating ourselves in center stage, mid way back. This turned out to be a prime position as a massive mosh pit opened up right behind us and a smaller (yet still volatile) pit opened up in front of us. Plus the teenager
Anyway, back to the concert. Chevelle opened and they played the three songs I knew. Like most bands, when they say “how about a new song” it is the cue to hit the bathroom. Then Bush went on and opened with Machinehead. I would say 80% of their show was old favorites from Sixteen Stone and The Science of Things. Okay I sound like a giddy girl but man did Gavin sound AND look good. Damn!

Hooker Receipt

Here is a story that I believe enough time has passed in order for me to tell it. I was talking with my friend Bob (key person in the big dick guy part deux edition) the other day about the dangers of quickie relationships. Actually the story came about due to the forthcoming big dick guy final edition. During my stay in NYC, my friend met a guy on eHarmony. They were immediately over the moon and moved in with each other after three months of dating. She told me to keep New Years open (six months away) as that was their planned wedding date. After a month of living together, she was tidying up their apartment. She picked up some folded cardigans on her bedside table, and a slip of paper fell out. On the paper was her boyfriend’s name, cell phone number, address and directions to their place, a list of sexual services, and a price. Yep, it basically was a receipt from a hooker. She tried to make sense of it and our standing theory is that the hooker had a heart of gold. Okay it is a bit of a stretch, but maybe just maybe the hooker came over and realized this guy was cheating on his girlfriend/fiancé (there were pictures of them everywhere, scented candles, and other girly things all over the apartment) and purposely hid the receipt in between her cardigans on her bedside table.
Anyway, she then logged on to his email account. Now they had exchanged email passwords in the beginning of their cohabitation, but never before had she felt the need to use it. Well in his sent box, there were according to her “thousands” of emails to women looking to hook up within the last month. I doubt there were thousands, but I bet there were lots and it is especially disturbing that they occurred while they were living together. My friend never denied him sexual experiences, so she was quite confused as to why he was soliciting them from other women. Well she took some of the overly racy and explicit ones (ones where he included his picture so there was no doubt he sent them) and emailed them to her close friends for a second opinion. We were able to confirm her suspicion of cheating and pointed out to her that these emails to girls on craigslist were to call girls and hookers. The cheating was one blow, but it made it worse looking at the time stamp and realizing she was asleep next to him when he sent the emails.
She called him at work (it was 10pm and he frequently “worked late”) and informed him the gig was up. When he came home, she confronted him with the emails and hooker receipt. His response was “it is part of my lifestyle…and if you love me, you would just accept it because I am not going to change”. Sociopath!!! Of course my friend was all “I’m done” and left the apartment that night.
Okay this is the part of the story where my friend goes a little unhinged. Strictly out of concern, she took those racy emails and sent them to his parents! Yep. She prefaced them with a message informing them she thinks their son has a problem and that she no longer was going to watch over him anymore. Okay yeah that was a bit extreme, but it wasn’t done in spite…like this next part was.
She toyed around with the idea of sending those racy incriminating emails to his work. Now he is a high powered lawyer for a big NYC law firm. The even hint of illegal activity/involvement would get him fired and possibly disbarred. So she would not only get revenge, but she would ruin his life. This was just too much and we put the ax to the idea before he took an ax to her. Seriously, destroying his lifestyle would probably cause him to seek her bodily harm.
Thankfully she decided not to notify his work. He must have gotten wind of her idea though, because he soon sent her an offer. Ten thousand dollars to walk away and say nothing. She took the money. Sometimes does love pay.