My Favorite Holiday

Typically Halloween is a time for women to dress up like sluts and get drunk. I don’t endorse that, but man do I sure love people in costumes…well except clowns, they are creepy. About two months before Halloween, I was reminiscing about TV from my childhood and was struck with the most perfect costume idea…The Small Wonder. For those who don’t know, The Small Wonder was a TV sitcom in the 80’s about a little girl who was actually a robot…an awesome one. The great things are 1) I didn’t have to change my hair, 2) didn’t have to dress like a slut, and 3) didn’t even have to tone up since the costume was going to be poufy. Sweet! Of course I couldn’t fit into a child’s dress, so I had to sew up my own. This was okay since I have traditionally sewn my costumes but this time I finally met my match…puffy sleeves. I tried everything but couldn’t seem to figure out how to create a capped sleeve with elastic, gathering, and volume.
I went to a costume party hosted at a bar and the bouncer gave me an extra long hard look. I guess since I do look young AND was dressed up as a little girl, he had reason to doubt my age…or intentions. He asked about my costume, and when I said ‘The Small Wonder” he drew a blank look. Then I realized anyone younger than 29 probably wouldn’t get it. Luckily for me, almost everyone at the party was born in the 1970’s. Although there were lots of women present wearing a fraction of clothing, I seemed to still get a ton of attention. Frankly the costume was a hit. The real clincher was the disabled smoke detector I strapped on my back (don’t worry, it was an old smoke detector that I had replaced and just hadn’t thrown out yet). I pulled off the cover, stuck out some of the circuit board, and tied on an extension cord for good measure.
I do admit there were several excellent costumes at the party. I was pleased to see almost everyone was in full costume, none of that just wearing cat ears and attaching a stupid tail business. The best was when the cast of Sesame Street and The Muppets rolled it. Yeah, head to toe character costumes. Cookie Monster even had a bag of cookies that he would shred while doing the impersonation. Turns out, it was a bunch of guys from my kickball team who had crashed this party thinking there was a costume contest.
The awkward moment of the night was meeting an overly excited loofa girl. The first words she said to me were “oh my god that is a fucking awesome costume…I love it so much I would lick your xxx”. You get the idea. Some of the filthiest things came out of that girl’s mouth. I guess that is why she dressed up as a loofa, because she was so damn filthy.