Spank in the City

Living in the city, it is a lot easier to convince friends to come visit. A couple from Chicago (Mr. and Mrs. Smith…okay could not resist that) were in town for a conference. Well Mike had a conference…Jen came along for the sight seeing. Thursday night, Jen and I hit up the standard Times Square and M&M store. I was curious to see what that store had to offer since ALL TOURISTS carry around that bright yellow bag. Yes, a signature color and bag style…Tiffany’s watch your back. Sure enough, you can buy embroidered leather jackets (think Planet Hollywood rip off), stuffed M&M characters, Christmas ornaments, bedazzled belt buckles, and (gasp) M&M’s. I guess the novelty of getting an entire bag of just yellow M&M’s is too much for tourists to resist.

After a quick stop to hug the “LOVE” sculpture, we met Mike at the St. Regis Hotel bar. Yeah the St. Regis Hotel! Talk about old money and class. Mike was catching celebratory drinks with co-workers. One very particular guy trapped Jen in a conversation. Here is how it went:
Weirdo: So I am totally going to hell
Jen: Why?
Weirdo: Well I spank my kids.
Jen: Uh that is totally acceptable (side note, Jen is a lawyer that deals with child services, therefore she be the ultimate authority on what is an okay form of punishment)
Weirdo: Well I use a paint stirring stick instead of my hand….because I know karate, and I could kill my children with one chop.
Jen: (stunned silence, followed by thoughts of texting Mike to “save her”).

The next day, I helped Jen check out of their hotel room. Talk about a view! We had about an hour to kill before boarding the Sex in the City tour (yeah totally psyched about that!), so we wandered thru Central Park. We stumbled upon a taping of Gossip Girl! My roommate and I are totally addicted to that show even though I disapprove of its overly sexual content for teenagers. I took pity on some shmuck guys and asked for an autograph for them. I then left the scene since all the characters I like were not there. Mmmm Dan and Chuck sandwich.

The Sex in the City tour was awesome! We were driven around to all sorts of spots they used in the series including Friar Fuck’s church, Elizabeth Taylor’s gang bang doggie park, and Aiden’s gallery. Additionally we got to have a cosmo at Aiden & Steve’s bar (not on Mulberry street, but close), eat Magnolia bakery cupcakes, and sit on Carrie’s front stoop (which was actually in the West Village instead of the UES). They are currently filming the movie, and the tour lady said they have bumped into SJP three times in the last month. Yeah talk about nightmare for SJP, a bus load of super fans on a SITC worshiping tour....run away fast.

As we were riding from one destination to another, the tour hostess asked who was a “Carrie”. On “Miranda”, only Jen and mine hands shot up. When she said “Charlotte”, a gay couple in the front raised their hands. She then said, “It is always the gays who want to be Charlotte”. Yeah there were very few guys on the tour. If they were not gay, then they were dragged there by their significant other. I don’t know what the girls said to the guys to get them to agree, you know, maybe head when they got back to the hotel room, that is my guess.

One of the other pit stops was the Pleasure chest. We had the option to purchase a rabbit, or pick up a free spanky stick (i.e. stick used to whack around your bedroom buddy). Okay, the spanky stick Jen and I got looked like a paint stirrer. Upon closer inspection, the directions said “for paint stirring use only”. I guess some one should tell the co-worker weirdo. Ah ha ha ha.