Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Wash your mouth out with soap...and antiboitics

The night started off low key enough, but it took a wild tangent later on. Bree and Ali came over to my place for some drinks and NCAA basketball. During a commercial break, we flipped channels and were surprised to see the Miss USA (or America, does it really matter anyway) pageant. Being outnumbered by girls, Ali had to put up with our brief critiques of the contestants. A key rule is always rooting for your home state (or at least one that is nearby). Well two Midwest girls (Missouri and Kansas) were both in the top ten. Hurrah for state pride! If you don’t know already, girls are critical of each other and can be quite bitchy/catty. We ripped into Missouri because she had on a whore’s evening gown. Seriously, what is with excessive cleavage in a “scholarship” program? Bree commented that they only win $10,000 scholarship money, and they probably paid more than that for dresses, training, and diet pills/plastic surgery. Anyway, Kansas (and her soooo five years ago hair do) was third place.

After the games and pageant, I headed over to Marshall’s to meet up with him and Farrell. Bree couldn’t go because she was sick, and Ali was too drunk to go. Actually, he only had two pounders of beer, but he is a super lightweight. He doesn’t like drinking with Marshall and Farrell because he cannot keep up with their alcoholic behavior (oh and they make fun of him for being such a lightweight). All together now…..sigh (on behalf of poor little Ali). The boys rehashed basketball games and tried to get a hold of Ali (only to call him a lightweight) while I surfed Marshall’s vast cable TV selection. Around 1:30am, Farrell received a call from his friend Josh. Josh and a friend/co-worker of his were in the area. We planned on meeting them at Doc Holidays at 2am. Something was not right about Josh’s friend/co-worker. He was on the prowl and had no shame. His opening line to a pair of girls was “hey are you Jewish?” What! I was appalled, but he said that since he was Jewish that it was okay. He added that Jewish girls love that. Ummm, I’ll have to confirm that with other sources. Anyway, later two girls were making out hard core in a booth. Actually, to call it making out is an understatement. They were full on sucking face with plenty of grabbing, stroking, and groping. Even if it was a guy/girl couple, you would have felt embarrassed because it was so carnal. Well all the guys at the bar were watching them because A) they were two girls making out, and B) they were two cute girls making out. One was a cute Asian while the other was cute in a New York way. I asked what “cute in a NY way” meant and Josh’s friend said “you know….a girl with an edgy look who will kiss you then spit in your face”. Huh…oh well. Well being the ladies man Josh’s friend was, he strolled up to the two girls and said “can I get in on this?” To my amazement, they let him join in. A minute or two later, he strutted back to brag. The sad thing is that Josh, Marshall, and Farrell were all way into the “big buck hunter” game and didn’t see his score. When Josh’s friend said “yo I just got in the middle of those two making out chicks over there.” The boys said “what, two chicks making out, where”. When Josh’s friend pointed out the girls, another guy was making out with them. Strike two for Josh’s friend! The boys didn’t believe him, so the idiot went back over and got some more kisses from the girls. Ewe! Did he not just see the other guy kissing that not more than a minute ago? The bouncer standing next to me said “I hope your friend has all his hep C shot…..does he know he is at Doc Holidays….seriously, he is going to be covered in cold sores.” Ah ha ha ha! The friend later bragged about he could have taken home both the Jew girls and the making out pair, but he didn’t because had to work early the next morning….yeah right player!


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