Chronicles of Lindsay: The Christmas message

Time once again with the annual family Christmas letter. I've take over writing this tradition a few years ago after another wildly incorrect letter from Mom. She would write "Lindsay won a marathon", when the actual statement was "Lindsay run a marathon". Anyway, the letter has to be somewhat toned down as the relatives don't have the same appreciation for curse words that I do. Admittingly this is not my best work (I wish it was funny laugh-out-loud instead of just funny ha-ha). Oh and it has been censored to protect identities and future politicians.

Merry Christmas from the [insert surname here]. Actually it should say Happy New Years instead as we have yet again procrastinated.
We are dubbing this year “the year of the baby” as we added TWO to the family. Angela & Brad welcomed a son, Bennett, on August 1st. He is a good baby and smiles with his toothless mouth all the time. Bennett is constantly amusing his parents by showing off how far he can urinate. One time the stream hit him right in the head, and we’ll remind him of that experience when he turns into an awful teenager. The couple remains avid fans of the Omaha Storm Chasers baseball team (I attribute it to the tight pants the players wear).
About a month later, Tiffany& Aaron welcomed their second daughter, Hadley, in early September. Yes Angela and Tiffany were both pregnant at the same time (battle of the belly). Hadley was born a few days after Ava celebrated her 3rd birthday. Ava just learned the word “No” and is putting it to use everywhere. It is hard not to laugh at her when she tries to be so angry. Hadley is, well a baby, so she mostly just stares out at the world and launches projectile spit-ups (okay spit-ups is the nice way of saying baby vomit). Aaron’s Christmas light home display hit a new obsession level as he doubled the quantity of strands for this year’s newspaper making display (giving Clark Griswald a run for his money).
Lindsay continues to live and work in Chicago. She was rewarded for her hard work by being honored nationally as one of the top 40 consulting engineers under the age of 40. Mom attended the awards banquet with her and commented, “whoa, engineers are sure boring”. At least they gave out a plaque for making us sit through the droning speeches. Lindsay’s annual abroad vacation this year took her back to Greece. Unfortunately she had terrible timing and arrived right when the country attempted to declare bankruptcy. Nothing says relaxing vacation like protests, riots, and a transportation strike (which lead to a very exciting yet slightly illegal trip to the airport).
Mom retired in June after 31 years of teaching. It couldn’t come soon enough as she claims the 8th graders get worse each year. She is a full time Grandma now and spends most of her time visiting the kids, oh and substitute teaching every once and while (only when the babies are not available). She also has turned her free time to organizing the bins of memorabilia from the kids and grandbabies. Man, six was a terrible year for us in hand turkeys and coloring.
Dad still enjoys the retired life. His day is a rotation of eating, napping, and watching educational television. He excels at making the grand kids smile and laugh (they really get him) and he is the favorite lap for Ava when she wants to “read” to someone.
We hope all of our friends and family are well this holiday season, and earnestly preparing to break their New Year’s resolutions.

Bennett & Hadley duking it out