Saturday, May 08, 2010

The gateway drug to plastic surgery

There comes a time in every woman’s life where she starts doing things for preventative reasons instead of simply out of habit. For example, I’ve always been fond of sunscreen because I go from off-white to red in about twenty minutes. Now I wear it religiously to help prevent premature wrinkles. I’ve also started to wear night cream that firms skin and fades age spots. Speaking of which…did you know freckles are AGE SPOTS? They are! I used to think I retained my youthful charm by sporting two dozen freckles on my nose & cheeks. Now I realize my face is covered in liver spots. Boo!
Anyway, the night cream is a new thing. I don’t see any wrinkles or feel any firming effects, but I figure it can’t hurt right. Plus my friend who works in cosmetics says she has been wearing anti-aging cream since she was 25. I guess should mention she looks fabulous, so I am willing to take her advice.
The night cream has sparkles in it. Not kidding. It looks like I am applying a thin layer of glitter to my face every night (well every night I remember I have it). Maybe it is a way manufacturer’s are trying to make it less depressing that you have to use anti-aging night cream…”look sparkles yay!” . My pillow looks like a bar rag from a strip club.
Another nightly ritual is the mouth guard. Embarrassingly but yes, I admit to wearing a mouth guard. My dentist told me my gums were receding. One cause is because I grind my teeth at night (due to stress). Another is that frankly my gums have been in use for 30+ years and are tired. Instead of paying a ridiculous amount for a special dental guard…I purchased a $3 rubber guard at a sporting goods store. You know the kind where you boil it and form it to your mouth (the most important thing to note is to make sure all of the boiling water is drained off of the guard before you jam it into your mouth…yowza!). The teenage kid at the store helped me find the mouth guard section. He kept asking me questions to get a better idea which model would be best for my situation (they had four or five different mouth guards…who knew). I kept dodging questions and frankly I was on the verge of shouting out “okay you’ve got me, this isn’t for a sport, this is for me to sleep in because my gums are receding…obviously you don’t know now, but give it a couple of decades!”
They say it is essential to think young in order feel young. Therefore I have included this image of a hot dog joint up in Lincoln Square that made me laugh out loud on the street (and still does).


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