Friday, November 30, 2007

Ice ice baby

Friday I decided to skip shopping and went on a date instead. I met Marathon Man at Bryant park to go ice skating. Yeah, cliché I know, but it was sooooo much fun. Okay, I have only been ice skating like five times and the last time I went I probably was pre-bra age. Anyway, I claim it is my skiing experience, but I kicked his ass! Oh yeah! I was able to do twirls, turns, and stop effectively which what was badly needed because of all the children on the loose. The little ones would either cut you off (causing you to internally swear and shake your fist at them) or wobble right into you. I swear it was like they were all drunk or something. One kid would loose his balance, grab on to another, bite the ice, and eventually take out a whole romper room of kids. I would be turning around the bend only to come to a halting stop before a 10 car pile up.

M-Man’s skates were clipped by some pretentious teenager who basically strapped on skates and stood in the center of the ice only to text message her friends about how cool ice skating was. He ended up doing the most ungraceful face plant. Instead of being a good date and helping him up, I pointed and laughed. Towards the end of our session, we decided it would be fun to push down children for the hell of it because we were leaving anyway. Sadly, neither of us were sadistic enough to actually go thru with it.

After checking our sad sad sad rental skates back in and regaining the use of our ankles, we headed down 5th ave to look at the Christmas window displays at Saks. He confessed that his worst Christmas present ever was a giant flesh colored penis water bottle….from his brother. He thought it would be funny to say his little brother sucks cock. Hmmmm, must remember to add to my Mom’s gift guide.

How can you make living in east Harlem more depressing….by living in a fifth floor walk-up shitty studio. I figured you could get a real deal on apartments in the hood, but I guess he is one with the idea of adapting to your environment. Anyway, we rented Die Hard 4 (my pick) and headed over to his place. He had to draw the curtains on his windows because some of his students live across the street from him, and he had caught them looking in his windows (not good when you walk around naked after a shower). Okay we were G-rated and just watched the movie, but he didn’t want students to know he had a girl in his apartment…GASP! I guess they are a bunch of assholes. Case in point, one day he got a new Asian student in his Chemistry class. It boosted the Asian representation at his Harlem school to…one. The other kids started throwing wadded up papers and pencils at her because she was different (hey at least I know now they don’t just hate whitey). He told the ringleader boy to get out of his class, and the little shit refused. M-Man then grabbed the kid’s backpack and threw it out the open window. Yeah, threw it out the window! The kid started to tear up because his alpha male status had just been crushed. Well after that momentary lapse in hood appropriate behavior, he came to his senses and smashed M-Man’s overhead projector on the ground. Ahhh, the overhead projector…memories.


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