Acting out

So I am a fourteen year old boy trapped in a 31 (soon to be 32) year old body. Seriously, I got the word “poop” framed for Christmas and find it utterly hilarious. To combat my immature nature, I try to be cultured and attend the theater. Sadly this is all I remember from the shows…
A small but popular troupe put on Hamlet…the daredevil addition. So they read Shakespearian prose while performing stunts. They even broke out in small segments to do character analysis. The guy playing Ophelia (yes a guy in a dress) felt that Ophelia was a giving personality. To embrace the character, he had the rest of the troupe shave one part of his body each show. The show lasted for a month, with about a dozen or so performances. We caught the third from last show and there was few places left to shave on him. He was saving his head for the last show, and his hair was at least to mid back. Our show, he saved his ass! Yes, in front of the whole audience, his ass was shaved for him while he gave a monologue. Now the question is…what was shaved in the 2nd to last show? The man was almost hairless, so I have it narrowed down to his eyebrows or pubes (which I’m sure would make the show NC-17).
The same troupe (the Neo Futurists) also puts on the “too much light and the baby goes blind” shows. This show series has a cult following in Chicago with a wild word of mouth popularity. The entrance fee is $9 plus the roll of a dice and they order pizza for the audience if it is a sellout. The show concept is to get through 26 sketches in 60 minutes. The numbers 1-26 are strung up on a clothesline above the stage and the actor snatches up the number after the audience yells it out (total request live). One skit was called “condiment romance”. It involved a guy and a girl slathering themselves in mustard and cheese sauce respectively. In slow motion, they seduced each other while rubbing on the food and then ran together (again in slow motion) before smacking together in a cringe inducing messy embrace.
For one skit, they dimmed the lights and brought out a locked box. They warned us that the number of the sketch would be put back up on the clothesline and if we happen to call it again, it would open Pandora’s box (and it would be impossible for them to finish the show). Surprisingly no one in the audience called out that number again…until it was the last possible option. Inside the box was…another clothesline of the numbers 1-26! So essentially the show repeated itself. After the first couple of shout out skits, we realized the sketches were the same ones previously done, so we started requesting the mustard/cheese sauce one. I think they didn’t want to re-slather themselves with the disgusting condiments, so they purposely were ignoring our shouts.
The final play/musical I have seen in the last three months is a college theater’s production of Cabaret. The show had a “warm up” period where actors were milling around stage and engaging in activities while all in character. The cabaret had both Kit-Kat girls and boys (in past productions I’ve seen only girls with one cross-dressing boy). Well the girls were NOT what I expected if you casted at a college. Yep instead of barely legal girls with active metabolisms and a sag-free rear end, the girls collectively scored about a 4. The boys were much better physically, but man were they creepy. One guy’s costume consisted of a tuxedo jacket and navy blue briefs. A pair of felt lips was sewn on the underwear penis bulge. He talked to the audience via his dick (and moved the fake mouth with his hands). I didn’t know whether to giggle or cringe.