Sunday, November 21, 2010

Shit storm

I don’t have children, so forgive me for complaining about this probably trivial thing. I’ve done difficult things over the years…none so much as hard as trying to get a two-year-old’s picture taken. I was home visiting my parents, and we had my niece for the weekend since my sister and her husband were out of town (anniversary vacation). My mother and I planned on getting professional pictures of my niece taken as an anniversary present. And by professional, we meant Sears…there was a coupon. This seemed like a good idea until we realized it would rival lassoing a wild boar. The photographer put a chair in the middle and asked Ava to sit on it. Well, she may as well said “run around and try to rip your clothes off” because that is EXACTLY what my niece tried to do…numerous times. I ended up having to lay on my stomach and reach over to grasp the back of her pants just to keep her in frame (they would photoshop my arm out of the shot). To get her to smile, I had to keep tossing her in the air (again, another creative cropping exercise for the photographer). After an hour, the photographer had enough and we had to make do with the six or so shots we were able to get. Oh there were tons of pictures of her halfway out of the frame, or a giant blur because she wouldn’t stand still. I personally was exhausted.
We rewarded her with ice cream and I texted my sister that her daughter is a total turd.
Speaking of turd, when my sister and niece came to visit the previous week, Ava pooped twice in four days. When I watched her for an afternoon in Nebraska, she pooped SIX TIMES! Yes, six times in about 8 hours. I don’t think her diet was any different. Maybe she schemed to stockpile all of her shit just for me. Boo! It seriously was like, we change a diaper, seconds after the dirty diaper was in the trash, we would smell poop on Ava. I would check her clothing to make sure there wasn’t any seepage because she reeked of shit. Well sure enough, she had just unloaded into her diaper…again!
Cute but a total turd.


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