Chronicles of Lindsay: Vegas Vacation

Day two, we started off at the breakfast buffet. Like Jim Gaffigan says, I was tempted to just eat from the pile of bacon.

I palmed an apple on my way out to enjoy as a snack later. Of course I was teased for eating an apple in Vegas…I guess people just don’t do that. The boys want to sleep some more (Bill got in at 6am from gambling). I headed out for a jog along the strip in part to get some sight-seeing in…and some more teasing (I guess healthy habits are a big faux pas in Vegas).
After everyone got out of bed, we headed down to one end of the strip to see the newest casino…Trump. Well after walking in to the opulent lobby, we realized there were no signs indicating the casino location.

Turns out, there is NO casino at Trump…it is at the Wynn. We ran out into the shopping mall across the street before they had a chance to escort us out. The indoor shopping mall was a real godsend because the weather took a turn for the worse and unleashed a torrent of rain. I introduced the boys to Johnny Rocket’s for late lunch where we ate good fast food and shamelessly judged people passing our table.

We peeked inside the Wynn which was gorgeous and like out of Tim Burton movie (more Charlie and the Chocolate factory and less Edward Scissor hands). Turns out they don’t comp the drinks at the video poker bar…Boo!

I made the boys stop by Treasure Island to see the pirate show. Okay, I admit, I was a real dork looking forward to a pirate show. The 5pm show was canceled due to high winds (okay it must be a cool show if they have to be concerned about the winds) so we killed an hour in the sport book. I was giddy like a kid jockeying for position in the audience.

Well the “pirate” show was more like “hookers on the water”. I expected to see two dueling pirate clans but instead one crew consisted of slutty girl strippers (not kidding). The burly shirtless men pirates shot their cannons at the whores (okay, that totally took a sexual undertone) and the girls fought back by stripping off their coats, swinging around the mast poles and singing…SINGING! WTF! Their singing sunk the boys’ boat! Yeah, I don’t get it either. Then pirate male models joined the silicone singers

and they celebrated by dirty dancing style grind dancing and some mild bondage. There were tons of kids in the audience and trust me, they got one hell of an education. The boys and I were severely disappointed by the show and we later found out they had recently revised the “show” and even the locals were ashamed at to what has resulted in.

Dinner at O’shays (hell we are suckers for the beer pong). It was packed with more 311 fans (the whole town was flooded with them). Considering it would probably be another late night, we made the smart decision to just hit up the bars at our hotel.

Boy was that the right decision. The DJ was blasting 311 music and EVERYONE was going nuts on the dancefloor. I was on the edge of the crowd when I spotted a familiar face shaking it in the center. It was my friend Farrell from New York. It was a greeting full of drunken shouts and slaps on the back. We fell into old times and started to critique the horrid dancing. One hot girl in a yellow shirt was prime entertainment because clothing was the only thing holding her dance partner back from having sex on the dancefloor. She was all bent over, or leg hooking, thrust dancing that would make holy water combust.

Okay, Sin City…I get it. So dirty.
Speaking of dirty...our hotel rooms were equipped with a "love box" that contained condoms, lube, some oils, etc. I only know this because of Farrell. Apparently he met a girl the previous night (not sober) and decided to rip into it. He also noted the $18 it cost him (for the box...not the girl...maybe though...) was the most shameful money he ever spent in Vegas. ah ha ha ha!

The boys being "pirates"