The all you can eat buffet t-shirt

I recently read the annual sorority newsletter, and I realized that EVERYONE is having babies. Well practically everyone. My sister, cousin, college friend, and high school friend are all due at the end of August/beginning of September. Was it something in the water? Here is a picture of my sister 7 months pregnant. I know what you are thinking, she is smuggling a watermelon. Basically she is 5’10’ and 130 pounds (size 4 - yeah we have fantastic genes) so being pregnant makes her a bit lopsided. I wonder if her husband follows her around to make sure she doesn’t suddenly tip over.

One side effect is the increase in boob size. Seriously, she called me a few months into the pregnancy and exclaimed “I have boobs!”. I’ve always wanted boobs, but I would rather get a severely padded bra than get knocked up. I wonder if they will stay after the birth? If they do, I would turn into such a total whore. Yeah, I would flaunt those puppies around town in v-neck sweaters. Heck, I may even just sport bikini tops to the grocery store.

Not yet, maybe later…....like years later. In the meantime, I’ll just wear around this cute maternity shirt that I bought by accident. Yeah, it is a really cute black shirt with a high waist, gathering at the bust, and black satin ribbon that ties in the back. It makes my boobs look bigger and hides any pizza belly bulges, so I figured why not buy it. Too bad I wore it to work the other day and half the office stopped me to ask if I was “with child”. What, no, it is just comfy. Then again I could start using ‘the puffy shirt’ for seats on the subway and excuses to get out of meetings.

Authors Note: Speaking of children here is a line out of Overheard in New York. I swear if I did have a child, this kid would be it.

Six-year-old boy to parents: Oohh! Zombie strippers! Let's see that!