Wednesday, January 09, 2008

Vegas rules do no apply to Nebraska

Since I rarely venture home, I cram in as many meetings with high school friends as I can. First I ventured over to Shannon’s place to be greeted by her parent’s new dog who LOVED my crotch. I seriously kept digging the thing’s nose out of my crotch only to have it swing around and shove his snout into my butt. I am sure it was real funny for Shannon’s kids to watch me run around the living room with a protective hand over my asshole.

Next I visited Tina. We compared good and “what the fuck” Christmas gifts. It brings up the question, how do you pull off the ultimate fake enthusiastic emotion when you are given a piece of crap? Tina’s mother-in-law makes purses out of old jeans. Basically, she cuts off the legs at the crotch and sews them shut. Then she lines the inside and attaches handles to the belt loops. Overall, it is really cute for a child to carry around (filled with all the crap they cannot live without), but for an adult….hell to the no! Plus it was slightly stuffed, so it really did look like you were carrying around an ass. Apparently she sells her crafty creations at the local Hy-Vee for $50 or something. I’d suggest ebay, but each one is unique and so she would know Tina sold it.

Lastly, I met up with Chris who is one of my best guy friends in high school. We dueled at Dave and Busters and used our winnings towards pixie sticks, the long handle claw clamping animal sticks, and wind up swimming sharks. We then headed over to the Candlelight lounge which is as classy as it sounds. I mean, not only can you play Big Buck Hunter, but you can buy cigarettes out of a vending machine. Plus the “big beer” (about the size of a 40oz super big gulp) was only $2.50! I had to put my cell phone in for reference so you can see how huge the beer was.

Shaun later met us out after his Kung Fu lesson. Yeah don’t get me started on that one. It is actually really random how this all came about. I was walking in the mall the day after Christmas killing time while my mom was trying stuff on when I hear my name. I turned to see Shaun who was my high school crush. Yeah, I know, I had an “interesting type”. Basically I swooned over anything edgy, tall, super lean, and blonde. Not much has changed except edgy has turned into “full sleeve tattooed” and blonde has turned into “hair period”. Well we chatted a bit and I invited him to join Chris and me that night. He said “yeah, I could stop by after my Kung Fu”. Huh? Like in the movies? He was all offended because I asked him if they actually hit each other or just stage punched (you don’t actually think those actors can throw a good blow).

Anyway, the three of us caught up over some big beers. The next day I am shopping with my Mom (again) and get a phone call from Shaun. He asked what my plans were that night, and I told him I was booked (because every night was a different friend). He lamented that he could not get any one-on-one time with me. I asked “why, I mean we did catch up last night, is there anything new that happened in the lat twelve hours?” I regret asking because he replied “because I want to jump your bones”! What! Did he actually use the phrase “jump your bones”? Ah ha ha ha. I explained that people change and even though I did have the hots for him over ten years ago, I do not feel the same now. Still, I should thank him for good blog post material.


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